To blog or not to blog

 Here it goes. My first blog post since Xanga… I may have just dated myself with that platform.  I’ve been working through the idea of starting something new.. anything new. A blog, an art page, creating something to sell like a coloring book or an actual book. I’ve journaled for a long time and the thought of basically journaling publicly is so uncomfortable for me. But I listened to a Mel Robbins interview a few days ago where she was talking about her 5-4-3-2-1 method. I already use it in other areas of my life so I did it.. 5-4-3-2-1 and signed up for this blog page. I went to close it and did it again 5-4-3-2-1 and started my first post. 

For me, it’s getting started. It’s picking the first task. I have 100 thoughts of what to do, where to start, what I “should” be doing, what I want to be doing. How do you choose?! From my social media therapist, my actual therapist and my own research I really think it’s a mix of executive dysfunction, ADHD and trauma responses. The 5-4-3-2-1 helps me break the loop and get started on something. It interrupts my thought pattern of omg where do I start to oh crap I hit 1 just pick something in front of you. If someone gives me the first task we’re golden. Give me directions? I will tackle that task like it’s the most important thing(usually). It hurts my brain when I get self awareness about these things. Because then when I’m in the loop I KNOW why I’m struggling, how to break it and I STILL get caught in the overthinking paralysis. But, all of the work I’ve been doing on myself. It’s becoming easier to recognize those patterns. It’s getting easier to snap out of those patterns and make an alternative choice. It’s helped me realize getting started is usually the hardest part, once I start I can get in a grove, the next task reveals itself. Usually in the form of an unrelated side quest but hey let’s not question the side quest if it means things are getting done. And for goodness sake do NOT let me sit down in my stream of task and side quest. Sitting almost resets my brain and makes me restart the “starting” task. 

I started. 5-4-3-2-1 and I got all of the above out.  I’m not sure where this blog will lead. Self improvement? Parenting. Food. My healing journey. My Life journey in general. I’m still not sure there but i started! And im proud of myself for taking the first step.  If you’re reading this I hope it helps in some way. Whether it’s the 5-4-3-2-1, getting started, feeling less alone if you relate. Whatever it was, thanks for reading. Tata for now.